Saturday, January 1, 2011
The clearest one I ever had was when I was rocking my first born when he was 14 months old. He was overstimulated and would not go to sleep. So, he asked me to please rock him and sing. I ran out of songs and the one that popped into my mind was "Were you there?" As I was singing the song, he relaxed. He fell asleep, I thought, finally. When I stopped singing, he started humming the tune, indicating he wanted me to continue. So, I did, humming, instead of singing. Soon, he was limp, lying in my body as our Dear Lord did on his mother's lap when taken from the cross. Then, that image came to my mind. I couldn't, and didn't want to get it out of my mind. The message I got, and frankly needed at the time, was you are their mother until death, yours or theirs. I'm not sure why that was the message, but I also felt immense, uncontrollable sorrow. I asked Our Lady to help me, since she'd been through the worst. I felt so ill-equipped to manage this job.
I remember that feeling of a limp child on my lap. Eleven times children of mine have undergone surgery. Eleven times I have held them while they are put under, feeling their little bodies go limp, limp in a way they can't when they fall asleep naturally. And, instead of sorrow, each time I've reached out to Our Lady. Each time I have had to entrust them to Our Mother to hold them while I couldn't. Each time, they came out fine.
What signs have you had?